I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You did what with his pubic hair?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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