I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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