Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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