I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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