Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
