Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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