The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
