He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
