I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
