a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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