Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
