Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
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