32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
