I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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