I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
