You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Text me some of your sweat
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
