walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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