I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
