Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
