What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
