hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
