Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I cut my penus on the lid.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
