we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
