dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
