so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
