uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
