Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
