I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He has the fingertips of a God
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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