Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
