seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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