so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
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