so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
