We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
