I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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