there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
