i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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