Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
