Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
