Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
