she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
