1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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