For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
