the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
