I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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