was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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