you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
