and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
