So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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