i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
