it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
