He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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