sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
