party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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