I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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