Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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