That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
