Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
