Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
