I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
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WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
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Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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