You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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