wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
