I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
