Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
