Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
